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3) Dad is fat
Erma Bombeck has learned a few things about children and family over the years—and in a way that is uniquely and wonderfully her own, she shares everything she knows with her readers. Whether it's cleaning up after the kids and him, or expendable mothers-in-law, Erma Bombeck...
On the Decay of the Art of Lying is a short essay by Mark Twain from 1885. In it he deplores that way man's "most faithful friend" is being used and indeed misused, declaring that "the wise thing is for us diligently to train ourselves to lie thoughtfully, judiciously; to lie with a good object, and not an evil one; to lie for others' advantage, and not our own; to lie healingly, charitably, humanely, not cruelly, hurtfully, maliciously;
...10) Sh*t Girls Say
-Every Girl Ever
"It's the new best thing. It may be our new favorite thing."
—Perez Hilton
"In the age of quinoa gluten-free iced coffee sashimi hot yoga, thank God we have the 'girls' to keep sh*t real. But don't tell them I said that. They'll just totally pretend they said it. They're so jealous of me."
—Stacy London, What...
A hilarious hole-in-one for golfers and cartoon-lovers alike, The New Yorker Book of Golf Cartoons, Second Edition brings together over a hundred classic images from across the magazine's eighty-plus-year history. Edited by Robert Mankoff, acclaimed cartoonist and cartoon editor at The New Yorker, and featuring work from legendary artists
...12) The Alien Invasion Survival Handbook: A Defense Manual for the Coming Extraterrestrial Apocalypse
Resistance is Your Prime Directive Have you ever experienced a sensation of missing time? Have you ever found a metallic implant somewhere in your body? It's likely that you're a victim of alien abduction, and you don't even know it. Aliens are among us. While the true intentions of these mysterious intruders from outer space are unknown, there's no doubt that their actions are nefarious. It's your right—your civic responsibility—to
..."I think you left these behind," I said, handing them to her. This happens all the time when women try to return bags they've used. Tampons, lipstick, coins, Tic Tacs, and condoms are the top treasures found. 'Greasy' let out a sigh, as if I were the problem. "I was just trying my things in it. I really don't see what the problem is here. It's none of your business what I keep in my handbag." It is when my commission is at stake! I'm not your
...Up till now, preparing for marriage was a lot like preparing for death: You didn't know what was ahead and there was nothing you could do about it anyway! LIFE SENTENCE changes all that with honest, guy-to-guy advice and counsel. Think of it this way: It's like getting your grubby hands on the other team's playbook before the big game. Which is why it's...
I hate that I'm going bald.
I hate that I still make fun of bald people.
I hate karma.
Amateur haters, step aside. Time to learn what it really means to be miserable. Because this guy hates everything. From hating the little irks that happen now and then (like the water that squirts out of the mustard bottle) to hating the unfortunate realities of today's world (like that superheroes don't exist . . . but villains do), Matthew
...18) The Twitter History of the World--Everything You Need to Know About Everything in 140 Characters'
A humourous look at the world's history in 140 characters
The Iraq War
@TonyBlair
#FF @GeorgeWBush - you should see the DMs he's been sending me about WMDS in Iraq #terrifying
09:32am, September 12, 2001
@GeorgeWBush
@Tony Blair - that's ma boy!
05:04am, March 20, 2003
Who would say what during wartime? What would Jesus tweet? And how would history's most indecent of scandals have played out
...19) My Lead Dog Was a Lesbian: Mushing Across Alaska in the Iditarod--The World's Most Grueling Race
The Iditarod may be the only race that awards a prize for last place. But then how many people can even complete a course that ranges across 1,000 miles of Alaska's ice fields, mountains, and canyons at temperatures that sometimes plunges to 100 degrees below zero? In conditions like these, anything can go wrong. For Brian Patrick O'Donoghue, nearly everything did.
In My Lead
A humorous insight into some of history's dumbest criminals.
You've heard about a bank robbery going wrong? Picture someone going into a bank, robbing the teller, all proceeding as planned, but when he runs outside to his getaway car, he finds that he has run out of petrol?
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